What's That Sound?

As I sat in the stands, watching the Texas Ranger move nine games over .500, I turned to my dad and said, "Do you hear that sound?"

He asked, "What sound?"

"That's the sound of the metroplex jumping on the bandwagon!"

35,000 fans at the ballpark in May means one of two things: it's $1 hot-dog day or...DFW is hopping on the front-running train...at least until Texas loses three in a row.

(Side Note - does it bother anyone else that the Rangers see their attendance double on $1 hot-dog night? Idiocracy Warning: the only things that people will show up for in drones: release of the new i-phone, Jonas Brother concert and $1 hot-dog night. Very, very troubling)

We all know what bandwagon fans are - but you may not have realized that there are many different types of bandwagon fans. This two-part series will help identify and describe the ten different types of bandwagon fans:

1) Old-Timer
The old-timer is a “guy-that-used-to-follow-the-team…then-disappeared…but-has-returned-now-that-the-team-is-winning” guy. He watched Texas suck in the 70’s and 80’s, gave up on the team, came back in the late 90’s, and then disappeared along with Rick Helling.
This guy is usually rather crusty and almost seems unhappy to be back at the ballpark

2) Newcomer
The newcomer is a young guy that has never really been into baseball, but now that there isn’t anything else to do around town, has joined the crowd at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. This is the guy that usually shows up in the 3rd inning, spends two innings going to and from the bathroom, concessions, etc…and leaves in the 7th of a 2-2 game citing “traffic” as the cause. He will only attend games if it fits perfectly within his schedule.
This is the guy that will walk .5 mile/hour through the grandstand looking at all of the "colors and decorations" as if he were touring the Guggenheim. Wow.

3) Chris-Chris
The Chris-Chris is “that guy.” You have known him for years and have never heard him discuss the Rangers (or baseball at all for that matter), but he now eats, drinks and sleeps Ranger baseball. He will constantly throw comments around like, “Man – HOW could you miss last night’s game?! Dude – The Milly was throwing some cheese and the Hambino totally destroyed hanger! It was totally insane, man! Can’t believe you missed it!”
This guy will only be seen when the team gets on a streak. As soon as the Rangers hit a bump in the road, he is out like Taylor Teagarden.

4) Owner-Hater
The Owner-Hater begrudgingly attends games to “support the players” despite hating the owner. You will see him cheering on his favorite team when they win, but will consistently throw-in comments suggesting that, “This team could really be something if we didn’t have a small-market payroll!” or “Sure would be nice to have Teixeira hitting cleanup (ignoring the fact that Salty, Andrus and Harrison have propelled this team into 1st place)!”
This guy wants Texas to finish last just to reiterate that Hicks’ “small-market payroll” has doomed the franchise.

5) Cougar
This term is self-explanatory…especially in Dallas. Anytime there is a new, trendy place to be seen (especially one that allows you to wear skimpy clothing), the cougars will come out. At the ballpark, most Cougars will be found in the Cuervo Club – but occasionally, they will sneak down to the lower level seats. With the Mavericks’ run now over – and the Ghost Bar slowing down on weekdays – Ranger games offer these women with a new hunting ground.
Most guys will mention how "trashy" she looks in an effort to provide himself with an excuse to keep looking. Well played, sir, well played.