Greg Golson: "If they don't think that I'm ready..."

The Rangers recently acquired outfielder Greg Golson from the Phillies. Golson hit .282 in AA this year while striking out in 28% of his at-bats. He produced an OPS of .767 in 2008 (his 5th consecutive MiL season without exceeding an OPS of .800).

A local writer interviewed Golson this week and Greg had an interesting perspective regarding his 2009 expectations:

"My goal is to be in the big leagues...If they don't feel like I'm ready, I'll be more than willing to try to prove them wrong in the minor leagues."

After wiping away my tears of laughter, I was reminded of the classic Tommy Boy line:

"Hi, I'm Earth. Have we met?!"

Greg saying that he "isn't sure" if Texas thinks that he is ready for the Major Leagues is kind of like saying, "I would like to date Marissa Miller, but I'm not sure if she would agree...so I might just stick with Rosie."







In other words: "Greg, you are NOT READY!!!!!!!!"

Even Japanese players hate the Rangers!

According to numerous sources, four teams have made ML offers to 22-year-old Japanese pitcher, Junichi Tazawa (video here). The reported offers are as follows:

• Boston: 3 years, $3 million
• Seattle: 3 years, $3 million
• Atlanta: 4 years, $4-5 million
• Texas: 4 years, $7 million

Again, according to numerous sources, Tazawa will sign with Boston by the end of the week. This isn't CC or Sheets...this is a 22-year-old living in Japan, and even HE won't consider signing with Texas, despite being offered almost twice as much money!

Jon Daniels trying to sign a marquee free-agent pitcher is probably like watching a infomercial on the "ab-tronic" at three in the morning, thinking to yourself, "Man, that's what I need. The only thing standing between me and a six-pack is $24.95..."...only to realize that you can't buy it because you spent the last of your paycheck on Oreos and Fallout 3 for XBox (If the ab-tronic is a free-agent, and users are the General Managers, this guy must be Theo Epstein: doing what it takes to get the job done).

Another day in the life of a Ranger fan.

UT Fans: Smallest Brains in the World?

If watching Michael Crabtree spin away from the hapless Longhorn secondary wasn't torturous enough for UT followers, Oklahoma's beat-down of the Red Raiders on Saturday night should have done the trick.

For some reason, throughout last week I constantly heard Texas fans claim that they were going to put down their "Oklahoma girls are fat" t-shirts and root for the Sooners. Well, the Sooners obliged and absolutely destroyed Texas Tech...65-21. The Red Raiders, the only team to defeat the Longhorns, were authoritatively dismantled by a superior team.

If you are going to go all Nick Saban on us and flip to the other side, at least do it when it matters! Oklahoma winning didn't help Texas in any way...Texas needed a Rocky type of game...where both competitors duked it out until the end and neither looked dominant in doing so.

This was more along the lines of Mike Tyson destroying Peter McNeeley: lots of hype and watching parties ending after about 2 minutes leaving everyone asking, "what the hell just happened?"

So the Longhorn fans got what they wanted: an OU victory. Unfortunately for the Austinites, the resounding victory jettisoned Oklahoma over Texas in both human polls. Texas still holds the 2nd spot within the BCS standings...but only by the slimmest of margins.

And while Texas rolls over a hideous A&M team on Thanksgiving Day, the Stoops Crew will have an opportunity to continue their BCS rise by playing #12 Oklahoma State this Saturday. A victory over another top 25 team, on the road, will almost certainly catapult Oklahoma ahead of the Longhorns in the BCS standings, propelling the Sooners into the Big 12 Championship and, with a win, the National Championship.

And just like the guy who wished that he had the largest brain in the world, UT fans soon realized that they should have been careful what they wished for.

DSK Hot Stove Exclusive! Email leaked from 4 Yawkey Way

Hey Jon,

Good to hear from you, dude. Tough day yesterday ~ I couldn't make it over to the stadium for the game, but that didn't stop me from losing another bet to that jerk Hill. You gotta be happy with how the Big Red are playing in the ECAC though, huh?

Anyhow. Yeah, that guy Edes is pretty funny. (Not as funny as his CHB, though.) Why people still put any credence in his writing after he was gullible enough to report that Marie and I got married at a Nathan's Famous hot dog stand at Coney Island is beyond me.

So, yeah. The pieces are starting to fall into place, and we'll talk after Thanksgiving. I sent Edes an email yesterday telling him that our family's going to sit down to a main course of cholent and gefilte instead of turkey ~ I told him it's a Lenny Bruce thing. "Fish, kishka, and horseradish? Very Jewish. Turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce? Very goyish."

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyhow, yeah, we'll touch base on the other side of December. Your guys are hugely overvaluing Byrd. You don't have a prayer of getting both Masterson and Bowden in that deal, so give it up.

By the way: I was bored at work Friday afternoon, so I surfed over to that guy Newberg's board. Lots of talk over there about how you screwed, raped, and spanked me in the Gagne trade. Besides it being silly ~ where do these people get their ideas about how GMs operate? ~ it's kind of sick, you know? Eventually Jack's gonna be old enough to read that stuff about his old man, and you know how the interwebs are. Could you maybe say something to Newberg? I know you two are tight.

OK, I got to go practice me some guitar. There's a chance that Vampire Weekend could invite me to play with them at a charity gig early 2009 ~ something like that Music for Democracy thing they did last month. Sweet!

Love to Robyn and Lincoln,
Theo

Cowboys & Coaches: Cowher for Christmas?

Not so long ago, Jason Garrett was the heir apparent to the blue, silver, and star-adorned mantle shouldered by the coach of the Dallas Cowboys. In contrast, Wade Phillips — the rotund, avuncular bearer of that mantle — was fitted with a moniker more famously worn by his father.

How much things can change in a few games.

The crown now rests somewhat more lightly on Phillips’ brow. The Cowboys’ recent defensive efforts (in the face of injuries on both sides of the ball) have won him a bit of breathing room, and a few grudging plaudits from Metroplex scribes — though he’s likely still feeling the heat through the bottom of his breeches. (Perhaps Phillips should take a sartorial page from the book of a noted Dallas sports nemesis.)

Meanwhile, Garrett’s glow has apparently dimmed. The offense installed by the Princeton grad, erstwhile Cowboys third-string QB, and wunderkind offensive coordinator has come under fire from ever-restive receiver and popcorn-muncher Terrell Owens. Owens has now repeated his complaints that the Cowboys’ offense is stultifying and inflexible, and that the NFL's defensive coordinators have caught up with the Ginger Genius. Phillips (perhaps fighting a grin that he wears only behind closed doors in his office at Valley Ranch) has effectively agreed with his star wideout, and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has added his voice to the chorus of concerns.

And even Garrett's friends have begun to turn on him.

So after we're done nailing the Redheaded Jesus to his cross: anyone for a Mustachioed Messiah?

Longhorn Fans: Just Face It

I admit, I am a UT grad. Trust me, I can put on the rose-colored glasses like everyone else, but regarding the Big 12 Championship, us Longhorns need to get real.

Brace yourself: Texas won't be playing for the Big 12 Championship this season.

I know...I know. If Oklahoma beats Tech and all three teams win out, there will be a three-way tie. Unfortunately for Bevo, Texas won't win that tiebreaker. Here's why:

#1: If two teams tie for a division title, the head-to-head matchup will determine the winner.
This scenario only applies if the Sooners beat Texas Tech this weekend...and then loses to Oklahoma State next week. After Tech beats Baylor, that will leave Texas and Texas Tech with one conference loss each...but the Red Raiders beat Texas head-to-head, so Tech prevails.

#2: If three teams tie for the Division Lead, the highest ranked BCS team gets the nod.
If Oklahoma beats the Leach Pirates this weekend and Texas, Texas Tech and Oklahoma all win out, there will be a three-way tie for the Big 12 South Champion. In that case, the highest ranked BCS team will become the Division Champ. Unfortunately for Texas Tech and Texas, Oklahoma will prevail.

Think about it: Tech, Texas and Oklahoma all have common conference opponents...so nothing will be gained/lost there. The true difference will lie within the timing of the losses and each team's non-conference schedule.

Timing:
Oklahoma lost first...and as we all know, losing early is much better than losing late.
Texas lost next...less than two weeks ago.
Tech, again...assuming that they lose on Saturday, will have lost last.

Advantage: Oklahoma

Non-Conference Schedule:
Texas and Texas Tech have a total of ZERO Top 25 non-conference victories.
Oklahoma has two Top 25 non-conference victories (TCU, Cincinnati)

Advantage: Oklahoma

Sorry guys, but:

• if there is a three-way tie atop the Big 12 South, Oklahoma will be the representative
• if there is a two-way tie between Texas Tech and Texas, Texas Tech will be the representative

Texas will not be playing in the Big 12 Championship this year, but it might be a good thing. I will explain more tomorrow.

Pacman...I'm Confused

I just want to make sure that I have the facts straight:

• Pacman was suspended in October because of an "alcohol-related incident"
• Pacman attended an alcohol rehab program while suspended
• The alcohol rehab program determined that Pacman does NOT have a drinking problem
• Goodell, based on the information gathered by the rehab program, reinstates Pacman to the NFL

This is my question: if you were the NFL commissioner, and Pacman was thought to have had an alcohol problem...and that alcohol had created his inability to act like a normal human-being...but it was then determined that alcohol was NOT the cause of his Ike Turner-like tantrums...wouldn't you think that he may need some additional type of treatment or rehab?

Simpler version: If you thought alcohol was the problem...only to find out that alcohol was NOT the problem...wouldn't you continue to search for the problem?

The idea of reinstating this guy is worse than the creation of the "Crazy Crab" in San Francisco!!!


This is just a trainwreck waiting to happen...all aboard the Pacman Express!!

Evan Grant: As Stupid as Dustin Pedroia is Short!!

Not really...but it sounded good.

Evan Grant, a Dallas Morning News reporter who covers the Texas Rangers, has been grilled over the last few days for failing to include AL MVP, Dustin Pedroia, anywhere on his MVP ballot. Of all the writers who voted on the AL MVP, Grant was the ONLY person to have not ranked DP anywhere within the Top 10 candidates.

I hate the Red Sox as much as everyone else, but c'mon! That little dude was definitely Top 10 material. And while Grant has stated that he "made a mistake," he added fuel to the fire yesterday by doing a radio interview with WEEI, a local Boston radio station, and attempted to continue presenting evidence justifying Pedrioa's omission:

*Desperation Warning*
Please be prepared for: Guy that has lost the argument but refuses to go quietly into the night...so he finds one very obscure piece of evidence supporting his stance and holds on for dear life...Cliffhanger style!!

Grant: "...he [Pedroia] was 53rd in OBP with runners in scoring position …"

Poor Evan. He's a good guy and knows his stuff...he just had a mental lapse on this one. It's great to focus on stats...but using "OBP with runners in scoring position" as a statistical measuring stick for the MVP? That is simply ludicrous.

Evan...let's just pretend that this never happened!

Why Avery was fired...

Many suggest that Avery Johnson was fired because of his unwillingness to delegate tasks, his overbearing nature or his inability to just let the "plaiy-errs" play! That was not the case.

Bienvenidos!

Welcome to the Dallas Sports Keg.

Basically, we have dedicated this blog to comedic (attempted) coverage of the Dallas Sports world. I know, with Pacman and his 230 arrests, Mark Cuban's Martha-Stewart-like SEC situation and Jerr-uh Jones, this stuff basically writes itself; however, we thought it might be worth documenting.

Regards,

Guy