Sunday, June 14, 2009

Lewinisms...

I have decided to begin tracking the "Lewinisms" uttered by Texas Rangers' play-by-play guy, Josh Lewin. First, we need to define a Lewinism:

Lewinism: any statement made during a baseball game that indicates a complete lack of baseball knowledge, leaving the audience temporarily motionless as they attempt to comprehend what was just said.

The "Lewinism" updates will detail numerous items verifying that Josh Lewin actually knows nothing about baseball.

Number One:
Today against the Dodgers, Lewin stated,
"TAG (Tom Grieve), despite all the power that Loney brings to the table - he is a guy that walks almost as much as he strikes out."

You may be asking yourself, "What James Loney is Lewin talking about? The only James Loney that I'm aware of is not a power-hitter and has actually been criticized because of his lack of power."

Confusion is the correct response. Yes, the "powerful" Loney has managed to tally an impressive two homeruns this year in 63 games. Yep, he's on pace for anywhere from 5-6 homeruns this year. He is a very, very "powerful" 1st baseman.

Grieve just responded with, "Well, Loney is more of a Lyle Overbay or Mark Grace-type hitter."

And then came the funniest part of the exchange: Lewin responded with, "Yep."

He doesn't even recognize when someone is attempting to call him out! If Grieve wasn't such a nice guy, he would respond more along these lines: "Actually Josh, you are completely wrong. Loney is not a "power" guy - he is a "contact" guy...a fact that renders your previous comment absolutely meaningless."

Grieve has to call him out at some point. It has to happen...someone tell me that it has to happen.

Number Two:
In the top of the 7th inning of today's game, Brad Ausmus walked to the plate. Lewin casually mentioned that
"...Ausmus is already in the top 10 in terms of games-caught by major-league catchers."

Already?! Ausmas was drafted in 1987! He has played in the MLs for 17 seasons. 17! But he has "already" moved into the top 10 in games-played. That's like going back to the 1500's and saying, "Did you year about that Michelangelo guy? He already finished the Sistine Chapel!"

"Cal Ripken already became the record-holder for consecutive games played." This is fun...you should try it.

Number Three:
This is an email from my dad on Saturday:

In the 3rd inning, Josh wanted TAG to explain exactly what a cutter is: "So it’s like a slider but without the spin?"

Really? Are you kidding me? Without the spin? I would love to see Lewin explain the physics behind that one.

...like a slider without the spin?!" Seriously, I can't make this stuff up! What' next?...
"So the curve is like the fastball except that your arm curls around your head before you throw it, right?

Seriously, which of those two questions is more insane? I have thought about it for a few minutes now and I'm still not sure. I can't believe it...really, I can't. Absolute unintentional greatness!

The Rangers have a day off tomorrow but will take the field again on Tuesday. Needless to say, there will be a "Lewinism" update on Wednesday.

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